Friday, May 4, 2012
RIP MCA
Very sad to hear about the passing of Beastie Boy and all around nice person, Adam Yauch. One of the greats. May you rest in perfection.
Courtesy of ego trip.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
open letter to rihanna
dear rihanna, or should i call you robyn?
let me first note that i am not a hater. i really like your music and i absolutely adore your style. i admire the prowess you and your management team showed after your first record--how you so gracefully transitioned from cutesy caribbean girl to chic pop star without losing that island spice. so honestly, i like you, and i want to continue dancing to your music.
however, i will dance to it without paying for it. and i will never think of you as shrewd again.
i am a mother of a little girl, who will someday meet a boy and think she's in love with him. perhaps she will be in love. perhaps he will be exciting and passionate and uber talented and popular with the ladies. he will inspire that crazy, quixotic spirit in her that will make her ignore red flags, pass of the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach as something she ate and act in a way everyone who loves her will hate. we all have a love like that, it's kind of a sad rite of passage for the young.
and i hope, with all my heart and my entire being, that as her mother, i have instilled enough self confidence and self worth and self love in her that her relationship with that boy will fizzle with just a broken heart--not broken bones or swollen eyes or a bloody mouth. or worse.
too many young women are victims of abuse. the numbers are simply staggering. women 20-24 have the highest risk of being victims of intimate partner abuse, while the same age group has the highest risk of rape. 4.8 million women in the u.s. are assaulted by their partners every year. [that's more than half the population of new york city, ya'll.] and who is at the biggest risk? young african-american and latina women, who experience violence at DOUBLE the rate of white women. [sources: bureau of justice stats]
rihanna, this is the group of women that largely make up your fanbase. they look up to you for your talent, your success, your lavish lifestyle, your style and your spunk. they are the rabid girls on twitter, your #rihannanavy, who will probably send me hate mail if they read this. perhaps they also relate to you because your boyfriend beat the shit of of you. maybe--it the stats are to be believed--it's because they or their friends have been victims as well. perhaps, it's sadly, something they've come to accept. or maybe, they, like you, have gotten over their hurt and anger and are young and hopeful and idealistic that people can change.
i believe people can change. and maybe your buddy chris brown has. but girlfriend, he beat you to near unconsciousness. he threatened to kill you. yes, he served his sentence and picked up the pieces of his career. even as he's shown over and over that he has an uncontrollable temper and makes absolutely awful decisions. and i've met him. he's a young, sweet, charming, super talented guy. i liked him. but reuniting with him, making music with him, tweeting back and forth with him and possibly getting back together again is the worst kind of message you can send to your fans and all the young women and men out there.
by your actions, you aren't just forgiving him, you are rewarding him. men will see this as a sign that it's ok to hit someone, even that you somehow deserved it or liked it. women will see it as something to look over, to forget, to giggle about. it does not validate the girls who will get hit tomorrow or the next day or the next day. it brushes victims under the rug. the facts are, abusers rarely change their patterns if they continue to get away with their behavior.
you have a responsibility to the women who idolize you to set some kind of an example. you don't have to be perfect, you don't have to be boring, but you need to, to be frank--take this shit seriously. you might love chris brown, but you can't act like you love what he did. you can't try to turn this into some kind of sordid romance. you can't encourage this behavior. domestic violence hurts, scars and kills. and it's not a game.
let me first note that i am not a hater. i really like your music and i absolutely adore your style. i admire the prowess you and your management team showed after your first record--how you so gracefully transitioned from cutesy caribbean girl to chic pop star without losing that island spice. so honestly, i like you, and i want to continue dancing to your music.
however, i will dance to it without paying for it. and i will never think of you as shrewd again.
i am a mother of a little girl, who will someday meet a boy and think she's in love with him. perhaps she will be in love. perhaps he will be exciting and passionate and uber talented and popular with the ladies. he will inspire that crazy, quixotic spirit in her that will make her ignore red flags, pass of the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach as something she ate and act in a way everyone who loves her will hate. we all have a love like that, it's kind of a sad rite of passage for the young.
and i hope, with all my heart and my entire being, that as her mother, i have instilled enough self confidence and self worth and self love in her that her relationship with that boy will fizzle with just a broken heart--not broken bones or swollen eyes or a bloody mouth. or worse.
too many young women are victims of abuse. the numbers are simply staggering. women 20-24 have the highest risk of being victims of intimate partner abuse, while the same age group has the highest risk of rape. 4.8 million women in the u.s. are assaulted by their partners every year. [that's more than half the population of new york city, ya'll.] and who is at the biggest risk? young african-american and latina women, who experience violence at DOUBLE the rate of white women. [sources: bureau of justice stats]
rihanna, this is the group of women that largely make up your fanbase. they look up to you for your talent, your success, your lavish lifestyle, your style and your spunk. they are the rabid girls on twitter, your #rihannanavy, who will probably send me hate mail if they read this. perhaps they also relate to you because your boyfriend beat the shit of of you. maybe--it the stats are to be believed--it's because they or their friends have been victims as well. perhaps, it's sadly, something they've come to accept. or maybe, they, like you, have gotten over their hurt and anger and are young and hopeful and idealistic that people can change.
i believe people can change. and maybe your buddy chris brown has. but girlfriend, he beat you to near unconsciousness. he threatened to kill you. yes, he served his sentence and picked up the pieces of his career. even as he's shown over and over that he has an uncontrollable temper and makes absolutely awful decisions. and i've met him. he's a young, sweet, charming, super talented guy. i liked him. but reuniting with him, making music with him, tweeting back and forth with him and possibly getting back together again is the worst kind of message you can send to your fans and all the young women and men out there.
by your actions, you aren't just forgiving him, you are rewarding him. men will see this as a sign that it's ok to hit someone, even that you somehow deserved it or liked it. women will see it as something to look over, to forget, to giggle about. it does not validate the girls who will get hit tomorrow or the next day or the next day. it brushes victims under the rug. the facts are, abusers rarely change their patterns if they continue to get away with their behavior.
you have a responsibility to the women who idolize you to set some kind of an example. you don't have to be perfect, you don't have to be boring, but you need to, to be frank--take this shit seriously. you might love chris brown, but you can't act like you love what he did. you can't try to turn this into some kind of sordid romance. you can't encourage this behavior. domestic violence hurts, scars and kills. and it's not a game.
I'm back!
will be writing up a storm...soonish.
working on a real personal post now as well as some other ideas. so check back!
working on a real personal post now as well as some other ideas. so check back!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
week 12
so things are chugging along. i still have the ever-present fatigue, that kind of hangs around like cobwebs in my brain, but otherwise, having some days where i have the energy to shower and look and smell halfway presentable. on tuesday this week i got hit with a 24 hour wave of nausea that was pretty awful, but the last two days have been ok. i'm actually hoping to start showing soon, i'd like to be able to discuss my condition when it's more obvious to people, even though a lot of our friends know now. we are about to start week 13, which means the second trimester is on the horizon and that's very, very exciting.
gotta run, the tyke is back from the park.
gotta run, the tyke is back from the park.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Week 11
I went dark for awhile because I was just too tired and to sickly to write. This was a big week. On Monday, we had the much anticipated--and feared--CVS. And while I don't plan on having another child after this one, when I left the hospital Monday, I thought to myself: I would never do this again.
But then Tuesday night I got a call that the baby was healthy and it's such a huge relief, that maybe I would. Dunno. It is, as advertised, fairly quick. The longest part of the whole thing is the very detailed, but fascinating ultrasound, where they measure everything and check for vital organs, show you how the blood flow is going, the brain formation, etc. Really cool. The second longest part wasn't as cool, waiting for the doctor to whisk in and perform the procedure. You have to have a full bladder, and so lying there without the ultrasound to entertain you can be really uncomfortable. Especially as my husband, who is an exceptional co-pilot, had to run out and feed the meter during our wait. So I laid there, flat on my back, and tried to think of everything except that fact that I desperately had to pee.
When the team shows up, it's the ultrasound tech, her supervisor, the superstar doc and her medical intern. The doctor looked like she was about to go clubbing, she was the size and shape of Rachel Zoe, with a tight, kind of punky black shirt [the back of the arms were cut out], skinny jeans, and some kind of shoe that sounded like clogs when she walked. [I couldn't see the shoes.] She had long, layered hair and heavy black eye make-up. It was a bit unnerving until she looked at our baby in the ultrasound and smiled and said, "Cute!" I want to mention now that everyone who looked at the ultrasound said "Cute", all independent of each other. I can't, for the life of me, see how one ultrasound is cuter than another, half the time I don't even know what we're looking at. But these people must. Or maybe it's their stock ice breaker.
So then, after deciding they are going to go in through the abdomen, they swab me down with rubbing alcohol, then betadine solution. Then, she gave me a shot of local anasthesia, which hurt pretty bad and stung for a few seconds, but I never felt the second, really long needle go in. Well, not until it got down to the placenta. It's weird, because you can watch everything on the monitor, and while it's reassuring to see that the needle is quite far away from the baby, but that the baby seems relatively unfazed. But at the same time, it is very close and I kept having this feeling that I was disturbing the baby's natural environment. And then the doc is like, ok, you're going to feel a sharp cramp, and I did, and that's what was the most uncomfortable. After the needle gets where it needs to be, she "aspirates' the tissue, which is the longest 20 seconds I've gone through. Basically, the needle is stirred all around and that just feels icky and invasive and filled me with more regret.
But then it was all over. Everyone wished us well and left. And, like I mentioned earlier, they called us just a little over 24 hours later to tell us everything was fine.
I was starving afterwards, but very crampy, which they said would happen. Jeff treated me to a burger at Shake Shack and then we drove home and I laid down. I felt tired, but it was hard to sleep because of the cramping and the soreness. In addition to the cramps, I also felt like I had done about 1000 sit ups. Four days later, I'm still feeling a little sore, even though the cramps subsided the following day.
I've been extra conservative this week as far as lifting, straining, etc. And things seem good. No spotting, bleeding or anything scary. Just tired, which is nothing new so far this trimester. Today I feel the most normal as far as "normal" is these days. Still have serious heartburn and reflux, nausea and fatigue. But, I'm hoping that in a few weeks some of this will ease and I can get out and about more. Feel like I've spent most of this summer in bed.
But then Tuesday night I got a call that the baby was healthy and it's such a huge relief, that maybe I would. Dunno. It is, as advertised, fairly quick. The longest part of the whole thing is the very detailed, but fascinating ultrasound, where they measure everything and check for vital organs, show you how the blood flow is going, the brain formation, etc. Really cool. The second longest part wasn't as cool, waiting for the doctor to whisk in and perform the procedure. You have to have a full bladder, and so lying there without the ultrasound to entertain you can be really uncomfortable. Especially as my husband, who is an exceptional co-pilot, had to run out and feed the meter during our wait. So I laid there, flat on my back, and tried to think of everything except that fact that I desperately had to pee.
When the team shows up, it's the ultrasound tech, her supervisor, the superstar doc and her medical intern. The doctor looked like she was about to go clubbing, she was the size and shape of Rachel Zoe, with a tight, kind of punky black shirt [the back of the arms were cut out], skinny jeans, and some kind of shoe that sounded like clogs when she walked. [I couldn't see the shoes.] She had long, layered hair and heavy black eye make-up. It was a bit unnerving until she looked at our baby in the ultrasound and smiled and said, "Cute!" I want to mention now that everyone who looked at the ultrasound said "Cute", all independent of each other. I can't, for the life of me, see how one ultrasound is cuter than another, half the time I don't even know what we're looking at. But these people must. Or maybe it's their stock ice breaker.
So then, after deciding they are going to go in through the abdomen, they swab me down with rubbing alcohol, then betadine solution. Then, she gave me a shot of local anasthesia, which hurt pretty bad and stung for a few seconds, but I never felt the second, really long needle go in. Well, not until it got down to the placenta. It's weird, because you can watch everything on the monitor, and while it's reassuring to see that the needle is quite far away from the baby, but that the baby seems relatively unfazed. But at the same time, it is very close and I kept having this feeling that I was disturbing the baby's natural environment. And then the doc is like, ok, you're going to feel a sharp cramp, and I did, and that's what was the most uncomfortable. After the needle gets where it needs to be, she "aspirates' the tissue, which is the longest 20 seconds I've gone through. Basically, the needle is stirred all around and that just feels icky and invasive and filled me with more regret.
But then it was all over. Everyone wished us well and left. And, like I mentioned earlier, they called us just a little over 24 hours later to tell us everything was fine.
I was starving afterwards, but very crampy, which they said would happen. Jeff treated me to a burger at Shake Shack and then we drove home and I laid down. I felt tired, but it was hard to sleep because of the cramping and the soreness. In addition to the cramps, I also felt like I had done about 1000 sit ups. Four days later, I'm still feeling a little sore, even though the cramps subsided the following day.
I've been extra conservative this week as far as lifting, straining, etc. And things seem good. No spotting, bleeding or anything scary. Just tired, which is nothing new so far this trimester. Today I feel the most normal as far as "normal" is these days. Still have serious heartburn and reflux, nausea and fatigue. But, I'm hoping that in a few weeks some of this will ease and I can get out and about more. Feel like I've spent most of this summer in bed.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
The Lonely Trimester
I don't know how it is for all women, but for me, pregnancy with the exception of the first trimester, is cool. My chronic back problems actually don't bother me, the hormones soothe my propensity for anxiety, and the best part, well, I get a kid at the end of it all.(I also get to put off that diet I was just about to start, but that's another post.)
I'm currently 8.5 weeks pregnant with my second child, and god-willing, all will go smoothly. I look forward to discussing names, decorating the room, prepping my son for big brotherdom, but for now, I'm just miserable.
People tell you abut morning sickness and how it magically goes away at 12 weeks, but no one really talks in detail about the miseries of the first trimester. Most likely, because it sucks so bad and they are probably either too tired or too sick to talk about it. I find it the loneliest, most frustrating time in the nine (10, really), months of incubation. Mostly, because you're not showing, yet you feel terrible. You can't tell anyone WHY you feel terrible, because it's before the "out of the woods" timeline where god forbid something could go wrong.
So you're stuck not only trying to keep this momentous secret--hard enough in itself, especially for someone like me who thrives on breaking news--but also trying to act perfectly normal when you feel, literally, like your body is under siege. You also have to try and not get worked up over all the statistics [women 40 years+ have a higher incidence of miscarriage, down syndrome babies, etc.]
This time around I'm not working, save for some freelance stuff (which I actually should be doing instead of this), so I don't have to present myself and my facade to anyone everyday. I have an excuse to hibernate and rest and avoid making plans. Hopefully by the time my friends and family catch on that I've been MIA, it will be time to tell them the big news and everyone will forget about the unreturned emails.
So yeah, I have the luxury of resting when I want, eating when I want, staying in PJs all day if I want to--though it's no small task to also try and keep up with my two-year-old as well. But at least I'm off the hook from any commitments that require experiencing the smells of the subway--my smell powers are so bionic that i can literally smell a hazelnut dunkin'donuts coffee on the opposite end of the train car--feeling nauseous from the motion of the train, and getting clostrophobic in a crowded situation.
And this time, I have good days, ok days and terrible days, where I feel like last time, I felt generally queasy in the morning and then got better as the day progressed, only to get slightly queasy at bedtime. This time I can go a day or so without feeling sick or faint, or too hot or too cold, and I can eat fairly normally. But then I get humdinger days where I am sick ALL day, no matter what I eat or don't eat and cannot stay awake for the life of me. Yesterday was one of those days, and I felt even worse, because I was trying to watch my son and I just couldn't. Thankfully he's a very good child and just sat next to me in bed and read books while I slept, but poor thing. Mommy is so boring.
This time also, my queasiness comes at night, and with such force that I get chills as if I'm getting hit with a flu. The only thing I can do is wrap myself up in a blanket with 7up and wait it out. It helps to read or watch TV for distraction--but not a Tv show with car chases or helicopter shots or crazy editing. Also can't watch anything gory. My husband had this great idea a few weeks ago to watch some bio on a mob hitman, where the guy bragged about all these horrible crimes he committed. not only did i feel sickened, I also had crazy nightmares.
Did I mention the crazy pregnancy dreams? Yo, they are so vivid and so real and so WEIRD. Like last night I had this dream that I lived on a farm in some crazy modern house that should have been in Architectural Digest, and I looked all bull-dyked out and seemed to live with a blonde girlfriend who was dressed in a corporate suit. I dream about food a lot, especially in the first weeks. Most likely because I was starving but too sick to eat.
Today I used what energy I have to wax the sudden, dark, hair growth that has appeared on my face since the pregnancy started. I tried some new euro stuff and the first strip worked while the rest did not. This tired me out where I had to lie down. I have to lie down after I eat, after I walk any amount of distance, sometimes I get up from lying down only to lie down again. Tomato sauce smells hideous and makes me want to throw up. I feel like I'm choking if someone is smoking a cigarette 20 feet away. My boobs hurt so much it's like a little imaginary elf is squeezing them. I'm so bloated already that most of my clothes feel uncomfortable.
So bitch, moan, gripe. I say this all to you, blogosphere. Since I can't tell anyone else.
I'm currently 8.5 weeks pregnant with my second child, and god-willing, all will go smoothly. I look forward to discussing names, decorating the room, prepping my son for big brotherdom, but for now, I'm just miserable.
People tell you abut morning sickness and how it magically goes away at 12 weeks, but no one really talks in detail about the miseries of the first trimester. Most likely, because it sucks so bad and they are probably either too tired or too sick to talk about it. I find it the loneliest, most frustrating time in the nine (10, really), months of incubation. Mostly, because you're not showing, yet you feel terrible. You can't tell anyone WHY you feel terrible, because it's before the "out of the woods" timeline where god forbid something could go wrong.
So you're stuck not only trying to keep this momentous secret--hard enough in itself, especially for someone like me who thrives on breaking news--but also trying to act perfectly normal when you feel, literally, like your body is under siege. You also have to try and not get worked up over all the statistics [women 40 years+ have a higher incidence of miscarriage, down syndrome babies, etc.]
This time around I'm not working, save for some freelance stuff (which I actually should be doing instead of this), so I don't have to present myself and my facade to anyone everyday. I have an excuse to hibernate and rest and avoid making plans. Hopefully by the time my friends and family catch on that I've been MIA, it will be time to tell them the big news and everyone will forget about the unreturned emails.
So yeah, I have the luxury of resting when I want, eating when I want, staying in PJs all day if I want to--though it's no small task to also try and keep up with my two-year-old as well. But at least I'm off the hook from any commitments that require experiencing the smells of the subway--my smell powers are so bionic that i can literally smell a hazelnut dunkin'donuts coffee on the opposite end of the train car--feeling nauseous from the motion of the train, and getting clostrophobic in a crowded situation.
And this time, I have good days, ok days and terrible days, where I feel like last time, I felt generally queasy in the morning and then got better as the day progressed, only to get slightly queasy at bedtime. This time I can go a day or so without feeling sick or faint, or too hot or too cold, and I can eat fairly normally. But then I get humdinger days where I am sick ALL day, no matter what I eat or don't eat and cannot stay awake for the life of me. Yesterday was one of those days, and I felt even worse, because I was trying to watch my son and I just couldn't. Thankfully he's a very good child and just sat next to me in bed and read books while I slept, but poor thing. Mommy is so boring.
This time also, my queasiness comes at night, and with such force that I get chills as if I'm getting hit with a flu. The only thing I can do is wrap myself up in a blanket with 7up and wait it out. It helps to read or watch TV for distraction--but not a Tv show with car chases or helicopter shots or crazy editing. Also can't watch anything gory. My husband had this great idea a few weeks ago to watch some bio on a mob hitman, where the guy bragged about all these horrible crimes he committed. not only did i feel sickened, I also had crazy nightmares.
Did I mention the crazy pregnancy dreams? Yo, they are so vivid and so real and so WEIRD. Like last night I had this dream that I lived on a farm in some crazy modern house that should have been in Architectural Digest, and I looked all bull-dyked out and seemed to live with a blonde girlfriend who was dressed in a corporate suit. I dream about food a lot, especially in the first weeks. Most likely because I was starving but too sick to eat.
Today I used what energy I have to wax the sudden, dark, hair growth that has appeared on my face since the pregnancy started. I tried some new euro stuff and the first strip worked while the rest did not. This tired me out where I had to lie down. I have to lie down after I eat, after I walk any amount of distance, sometimes I get up from lying down only to lie down again. Tomato sauce smells hideous and makes me want to throw up. I feel like I'm choking if someone is smoking a cigarette 20 feet away. My boobs hurt so much it's like a little imaginary elf is squeezing them. I'm so bloated already that most of my clothes feel uncomfortable.
So bitch, moan, gripe. I say this all to you, blogosphere. Since I can't tell anyone else.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
first time's a charm
I am pregnant, according to a home test I took last night and this morning. I am stunned, shocked, cautiously optimistic and basically in kind of a fog. Each day it seems I feel a new emotion.
The whole story of how I became in the "family way" is really quite ironic. The hubs and I, began having "date night" the weekend of June 19. I decided that every Sunday night, we should watch a movie and go to bed early and focus on kickstarting our love life that had been getting nearly non-existent since our son was born 2 years ago. I figured Sunday night is good because it starts the week off, well, with a bang. :)
Anyhoo, when you've been always struggled with infertility and you're out of practice, uh, you tend to forget things. Like, birth control. So we have date night and the following week our son was sick and the following week I was so tired and lightheaded I went to bed early. I started feeling more and more lightheaded, my appetite disappeared completely, and the things I like best--like my mom's chocolate chip cookies--I had no desire to eat. The familiar mild nausea set in. And a few days of this, combined with the fact that my period hadn't shown up made me realize that the ONE time that we got intimate, actually could have knocked me up.According to the calendar I'm 5 weeks along.
To be honest, my first reaction wasn't elation or excitement. i was actually like, "i don't want this! I have no job, my husband barely has a job! my 2 year old wears me out! How can I be sleep deprived again?" I remembered the hassle of breastfeeding, cringed at how small the house is, worried how I could possibly handle it all.
Then, I started to accept it, feel fortunate, think abut redecorating, about how great a big brother my son will be, and if our son is any indication, that our second child will be beautiful and smart and sweet and anther truly lovable being. I've started pulling out my pregnancy books. I made my first dr's visit.
And just as I've started to feel happy, I also feel scared. Every little thing is making me nervous--like the fact that I haven't been nauseous at all today and that I have a slight backache and some cramps. I've nearly convinced myself that I'm going to miscarry. That because I'm older there could be problems. I'm irritable and ridiculously sensitive and want to cry if someone looks at me wrong. I just want to get thru to the dr's appt on july 20, make sure everything is ok and get thru the scary part f the first semester without a hitch and then i will shout from the rooftops. But for now, i hope and pray and walk on eggshells.
The whole story of how I became in the "family way" is really quite ironic. The hubs and I, began having "date night" the weekend of June 19. I decided that every Sunday night, we should watch a movie and go to bed early and focus on kickstarting our love life that had been getting nearly non-existent since our son was born 2 years ago. I figured Sunday night is good because it starts the week off, well, with a bang. :)
Anyhoo, when you've been always struggled with infertility and you're out of practice, uh, you tend to forget things. Like, birth control. So we have date night and the following week our son was sick and the following week I was so tired and lightheaded I went to bed early. I started feeling more and more lightheaded, my appetite disappeared completely, and the things I like best--like my mom's chocolate chip cookies--I had no desire to eat. The familiar mild nausea set in. And a few days of this, combined with the fact that my period hadn't shown up made me realize that the ONE time that we got intimate, actually could have knocked me up.According to the calendar I'm 5 weeks along.
To be honest, my first reaction wasn't elation or excitement. i was actually like, "i don't want this! I have no job, my husband barely has a job! my 2 year old wears me out! How can I be sleep deprived again?" I remembered the hassle of breastfeeding, cringed at how small the house is, worried how I could possibly handle it all.
Then, I started to accept it, feel fortunate, think abut redecorating, about how great a big brother my son will be, and if our son is any indication, that our second child will be beautiful and smart and sweet and anther truly lovable being. I've started pulling out my pregnancy books. I made my first dr's visit.
And just as I've started to feel happy, I also feel scared. Every little thing is making me nervous--like the fact that I haven't been nauseous at all today and that I have a slight backache and some cramps. I've nearly convinced myself that I'm going to miscarry. That because I'm older there could be problems. I'm irritable and ridiculously sensitive and want to cry if someone looks at me wrong. I just want to get thru to the dr's appt on july 20, make sure everything is ok and get thru the scary part f the first semester without a hitch and then i will shout from the rooftops. But for now, i hope and pray and walk on eggshells.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Los Kit Kats Mysteriosos [updated]
I've been into Japanese food ever since I worked as a teacher's assistant for a Japanese exchange student program in high school. From sashimi and ramen to the omelettes with rice and ketchup, to this awesome candy bar called "Crunky", color me there. In recent years, like many other fetishists, I've developed a real penchant for the limited edition Japanese Kit Kats that come in exotic flavors. I've so far sampled:
Original Match Green Tea--THE BEST!
Green Tea Tiramisu--really delish, almost as good as the original Green Tea
Tiramisu--excellent, even had that hint of liqueur, nicely done
Custard--eh. Beard Papa-light. Would rather just have Beard Papa
Raspberry Passionfruit- rich & indulgent, and may I say, sexy!
Ginger Ale--yummy & effervescent
Royal Milk Tea--like earl grey w/milk and waaay too much sugar
Sparkling Strawberry--a bit pop-rockish for me
Blueberry Cheesecake--really good: rich and creamy
Strawberry Cheesecake--not as good as the blueberry, strawberry was too fake-tasting
Sweet Potato Sesame--not as bad as you would think, probably b/c it didn't taste like anything in particular.
Cappuccino--good, if not predictable
Cookie Plus--more of a cookie than candy, nice with tea
Yuzu [perhaps the ickiest one ever]
See a cool gallery of flavors here.
So far, my all-time, hands down favorite is the original Matcha Green Tea.
It is basically like green tea ice cream in a Kit Kat--creamy, dense, smoky and delicious. It's seasonal and limited and only available in Kyoto, Japan. I am hoping to order the newest spin on it, the Sakura Green Tea, which I'll review here soon.
I haven't tried the really far out flavors like the Soy Sauce, Potato, Wasabi, or Corn. And I still have a box of Apple/Carrot in my candy drawer that I haven't tried yet. I think I just like my candy to taste like candy, plus I've been reluctant to order those flavors and pay the shipping, when most likely, I will take a bite, make a scrunched up face and spit it out.
Anyhoo, just yesterday my candy connect presented me with a bag of mini Kit Kats in a blue and white package. [photo at top] The bag is entirely in Japanese, with no hint of what the flavor could possibly be. I have searched in vain online for photos of what I think it might be--it's a light, creamy, white chocolate with a scent and touch of refreshing lemon--to no avail. My guess is it's Lemon Cheesecake or Lemon Sorbet. I like it. So before I get the answer from my supplier, any guesses?
UPDATE, APRIL 8
I have been informed by my trusty supplier that the Kit Kats in question are...drumroll...
Calpico. Calpico is a popular Japanese, non-carbonated soft drink that's described as having a touch of both yogurt flavor and citrus. This also explains the blue polka dots on the Kit Kat wrapper--they are identical to those on the Calpico packaging. I've only had the Aloe flavored Calpico, a really long time ago, but now I want to try the original flavor to see how well Nestle got the flavor. Will keep you posted.
Friday, March 26, 2010
REVAMP
Hey Internets:
Per usual, a productive phone conversation with my BFF @tikitonya last night made me realize I really should be more active in the blogosphere. I am trying to find balance and order in my life, harness creativity, figure out how to be a mom, a career woman and someone my husband wants to have sex with [not necessarily in that order] and what better way to figure it out than to write about it? So, I've concluded the first step in in my self-discovery is having the self-discipline to spend less time trying to be clever on Facebook and just write.
Hope you enjoy the ride.
Dunny
Per usual, a productive phone conversation with my BFF @tikitonya last night made me realize I really should be more active in the blogosphere. I am trying to find balance and order in my life, harness creativity, figure out how to be a mom, a career woman and someone my husband wants to have sex with [not necessarily in that order] and what better way to figure it out than to write about it? So, I've concluded the first step in in my self-discovery is having the self-discipline to spend less time trying to be clever on Facebook and just write.
Hope you enjoy the ride.
Dunny
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Limbo
So we officially have a toddler on our hands. He is walking more and more and mimics words and is showing a huge personality. We have begun the mealtime tug-o-war--me trying to coax him to eat, he throwing whatever it is on the floor. I was so exasperated by that and the fact that the pediatrician told me he was underweight, that I sent a panicked email to my best friend begging for reassurance that I wasn't bound for family court.
She answered with a loving, lengthy, thought-out email which made me breathe easier. Today we tried some wheat toast with hummus for a snack which actually went ok as long as he was feeding himself, thank you very much. For lunch we'll try some organic "O" pasta with tomato and cheese and if that goes splat, we'll have Grandma's meatballs ready. It's really a challenge trying to figure out what to feed this kid, kind of makes you miss the "old" days of him just being excited to try applesauce.
My current dilemma besides the feeding, is how to approach the prospect of working again. I loathe the idea of pounding the pavement, yet I have to admit as delightful as my son is, I get bored at home. Not bored with him, just bored with the house and the neighborhood and feeling like there's no place to go. I hate that there's no real structure to my day. I feel like I was much more organized when I was working, even though I was far more exhausted and by Wednesday night, I was feeling like I hadn't seen Trevor at all.
I have a potential opportunity as a blogger for a new venture, which sounds really exciting, thought I honestly have NO idea how I'll get anything done working at home with my husband [who also works at home] and trying to keep and eye on the baby. [I started this post over 4 hours ago. I got 2 paragraphs done during naptime, then have been watching the baby this whole time. He's currently walking around throwing things down the stairs and I stop every 5 minutes to make sure he isn't eating stuff off the floor or getting his fingers caught in drawers. I will soon have to start dinner, so who knows when I can get this up. Meanwhile, Trevor's favorite song is on repeat on the Ipod downstairs and it's driving me crazy because I can't get down there to turn it off. Now he's poking his finger in my belly button. Oh, that was 3 hours ago. He's finally in bed--totally too late--and I am trying to finish this post before bed.]
The job opportunity probably won't, at least til maybe the fall, pay enough for me to afford daycare. Plus I would only really need daycare part-time and those slots seem hard to come by. All very puzzling and kind of overwhelming. I wish I was tougher and more focused. I drive myself crazy.
She answered with a loving, lengthy, thought-out email which made me breathe easier. Today we tried some wheat toast with hummus for a snack which actually went ok as long as he was feeding himself, thank you very much. For lunch we'll try some organic "O" pasta with tomato and cheese and if that goes splat, we'll have Grandma's meatballs ready. It's really a challenge trying to figure out what to feed this kid, kind of makes you miss the "old" days of him just being excited to try applesauce.
My current dilemma besides the feeding, is how to approach the prospect of working again. I loathe the idea of pounding the pavement, yet I have to admit as delightful as my son is, I get bored at home. Not bored with him, just bored with the house and the neighborhood and feeling like there's no place to go. I hate that there's no real structure to my day. I feel like I was much more organized when I was working, even though I was far more exhausted and by Wednesday night, I was feeling like I hadn't seen Trevor at all.
I have a potential opportunity as a blogger for a new venture, which sounds really exciting, thought I honestly have NO idea how I'll get anything done working at home with my husband [who also works at home] and trying to keep and eye on the baby. [I started this post over 4 hours ago. I got 2 paragraphs done during naptime, then have been watching the baby this whole time. He's currently walking around throwing things down the stairs and I stop every 5 minutes to make sure he isn't eating stuff off the floor or getting his fingers caught in drawers. I will soon have to start dinner, so who knows when I can get this up. Meanwhile, Trevor's favorite song is on repeat on the Ipod downstairs and it's driving me crazy because I can't get down there to turn it off. Now he's poking his finger in my belly button. Oh, that was 3 hours ago. He's finally in bed--totally too late--and I am trying to finish this post before bed.]
The job opportunity probably won't, at least til maybe the fall, pay enough for me to afford daycare. Plus I would only really need daycare part-time and those slots seem hard to come by. All very puzzling and kind of overwhelming. I wish I was tougher and more focused. I drive myself crazy.
Friday, May 8, 2009
I like.
Apologies for being so delinquent about posting, my goal has been to post a few times a week. I went through a really grouchy phase--the 7 days of dark rainy weather a few weeks back didn't help--and then there were all the events this month--Mother's Day, Trev's first birthday, my birthday, our wedding anniversary and the culmination of it all--our joint birthday party.
The weather has finally started to become agreeable and we're not as stir crazy. Trev is walking and sleeping well, the hubs and I had date night, and my physical therapy is going well. So things are looking up. Even in talks for a job, so that's great, though it's a work from home job and that will prove difficult as it's already hard for the hubs and I to be home together all day every day. So we'll see.
I have a lot I want to talk about, but my carpal tunnel is terrible today, so I will just post some stuff I've discovered that I'm excited about. Both I found at Target.
1. Recycled Aluminum Foil.
This seems like a total no-brainer, not sure why it took so long to get on the market. But I think it's awesome.
2. Huggies Pure & Natural Diapers
I've always like Pampers Cruisers, but they are scented--which annoys me and irritates Trevor--and they have all kinds of prints on them that show through clothes and smell, well, inky. Seventh Generation was great when he was a baby, but now that Trevor is more active, I've had major leak issues. We switched full-time to Huggies Supreme a few months back, and have been happy except for the stiffness and weird inky smell. I saw these the other day and picked them up and they are the best!
No scent, super soft, fit more like Pampers [snug and not too high] and have only a faint print. On Diapers.com a mega pack is $21.99 for 46 diapers, [size 4], while the same size Seventh Gen diapers are $10.99 for 30. So, I guess the Huggies are pretty pricey. Booo. But, I highly recommend them to anyone who likes the Cruisers but would like a more hypo-allergenic, fragrance-free diaper. Huggies sends me lots of coupons, so I'll just use them for these.
The weather has finally started to become agreeable and we're not as stir crazy. Trev is walking and sleeping well, the hubs and I had date night, and my physical therapy is going well. So things are looking up. Even in talks for a job, so that's great, though it's a work from home job and that will prove difficult as it's already hard for the hubs and I to be home together all day every day. So we'll see.
I have a lot I want to talk about, but my carpal tunnel is terrible today, so I will just post some stuff I've discovered that I'm excited about. Both I found at Target.
1. Recycled Aluminum Foil.
This seems like a total no-brainer, not sure why it took so long to get on the market. But I think it's awesome.
2. Huggies Pure & Natural Diapers
I've always like Pampers Cruisers, but they are scented--which annoys me and irritates Trevor--and they have all kinds of prints on them that show through clothes and smell, well, inky. Seventh Generation was great when he was a baby, but now that Trevor is more active, I've had major leak issues. We switched full-time to Huggies Supreme a few months back, and have been happy except for the stiffness and weird inky smell. I saw these the other day and picked them up and they are the best!
No scent, super soft, fit more like Pampers [snug and not too high] and have only a faint print. On Diapers.com a mega pack is $21.99 for 46 diapers, [size 4], while the same size Seventh Gen diapers are $10.99 for 30. So, I guess the Huggies are pretty pricey. Booo. But, I highly recommend them to anyone who likes the Cruisers but would like a more hypo-allergenic, fragrance-free diaper. Huggies sends me lots of coupons, so I'll just use them for these.
Friday, May 1, 2009
I have my body back [sort of].
It has been almost a week since Trevor has attempted to nurse. I dare say he is weaned, and pretty much weaned himself on his own. I was still happy to nurse once a day or so, then it became every other day and then this week, with the regular drinking of cow's milk, he just, well, lost interest in me. He would nurse and then cry like, "this isn't doing it for me anymore!" So, I just stopped trying. When he's upset, I just hold him and talk to him. If he seems like he's overtired and due to feed, I give him a bottle and cradle him, and he's out like a light. It's weird, but not bad. And he seems perfectly happy.
We were at the pediatrician's yesterday for some shots--I started him with shots at 4 months instead of 2 and so we are trying to get him up to speed now--and she asked me if I was having any issues with him being weaned. Was I sad, did I miss it or feel bad?
I have to say, I feel fine. I think it's great that he knew when he was ready and I didn't force anything on him or deny him the comfort he really seemed to enjoy. I like that he's more cuddly all of a sudden. He likes to just flop on his back and lie next to me, give me hugs, kisses, snuggle more. He doesn't have that sad, desperate look like "please mommy, please, I am so upset, I need boobs!" anymore. He likes his bottle, actually asks for it, "Ba ba? Ba ba?" It's cute, even though of course I'd like him to drink out of sippy cups more so than ba ba's, but it's cool. He'll get to that eventually.
I guess I will miss having the ability to breastfeed, as my bff says "in my back pocket", but I see that now I can comfort T in other ways. I like that he looks at me more, wants to be with me and hang out and play and he's not always tugging at my shirt. I like that I can wear normal bras that actually provide some modicum of support and that this really painful nursing blister/cyst is finally healed.
So... this could be premature, but I think that's it. We're done.
We were at the pediatrician's yesterday for some shots--I started him with shots at 4 months instead of 2 and so we are trying to get him up to speed now--and she asked me if I was having any issues with him being weaned. Was I sad, did I miss it or feel bad?
I have to say, I feel fine. I think it's great that he knew when he was ready and I didn't force anything on him or deny him the comfort he really seemed to enjoy. I like that he's more cuddly all of a sudden. He likes to just flop on his back and lie next to me, give me hugs, kisses, snuggle more. He doesn't have that sad, desperate look like "please mommy, please, I am so upset, I need boobs!" anymore. He likes his bottle, actually asks for it, "Ba ba? Ba ba?" It's cute, even though of course I'd like him to drink out of sippy cups more so than ba ba's, but it's cool. He'll get to that eventually.
I guess I will miss having the ability to breastfeed, as my bff says "in my back pocket", but I see that now I can comfort T in other ways. I like that he looks at me more, wants to be with me and hang out and play and he's not always tugging at my shirt. I like that I can wear normal bras that actually provide some modicum of support and that this really painful nursing blister/cyst is finally healed.
So... this could be premature, but I think that's it. We're done.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Yay!
The other day I popped into one of my favorite spots in NYC--Ricky's. I was looking for some kind of styling creme--when I was at my best friend's house in Cali, she had some kind of Bumble & Bumble thing that seemed to really work wonders on my "sometimes I'm curly, sometimes I'm frizzy" hair. I haven't been good about keeping my hair appointments, you know, with the no job thing and the crawling-almost-walking infant too care for, so my hair has been more unkempt than any time in my life (except maybe when I first hit puberty and the frizz was on high alert. I was reminded of this horror when an old classmate of mine posted my senior prom photo on Facebook, but I digress.)
Anyhoo, I didn't find the Bumble & Bumble stuff, but I saw this shelf, littered with all these articles and photos of Halle Berry and how she uses and loves this brand called "Mixed Chicks". It's not the sexiest name for a company, but anything Halle Berry loves makes me look at it twice, so I decided to give it a try and support my fellow multi-culti entrepreneurs. [I guess I'm not really an entrepreneur yet, but, whatever. Technicalities.] I got the "Leave-in Conditioner" and it's actually brilliant. I LOVE it. It is light, not greasy, doesn't dry and make my curls hard or give me flaky scalp. I definitely want to try the other products. The only thing I'm a little confused about is Halle said she loved the "tropical scent". The conditioner stuff I bought has no real scent to speak of, which actually, isn't that bad. However, it's almost summer and a little "tropical scent" might be nice. But I'm a satisfied customer and I urge all my curly-haired sisters of every hue to give it a shot. However, the be sure to go to www.mixedchicks.net as the dot com URL is a porn site. I made that most unfortunate discovery the first time I searched.
peace love & hair grease.
Friday, April 17, 2009
could i?
so, ever since trevor was about 5 minutes old, i've been inundated with people asking if i'm going to have another child. i'm not even kidding. on my first post-baby appointment with my ob [that first appointment is somewhere between 2 and 4 weeks, so it's pretty damn soon], she asked me, 'how long do you plan on breastfeeding this child? because you probably won't get pregnant breastfeeding.' ok, my ob is kind of an acquired taste, we'll get to that another time, but basically, she said, as i sat there completely dazed from lack of sleep, with sore boobs and strange hormones pulsing through my system, that i should start trying AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
she cocked her head and looked at my chart. "i mean, you are 39 years old."
like i didn't know.
all this year, as trevor has grown into a gorgeous, happy little boy, everyone from his pediatrician to his hairstylist [yes, he has a hairstylist, that's another story too], to grandparents on both sides, to people i meet in the supermarket ask, "so, are you going to have another one?"
the answer for me, honestly, is not that simple. i struggle with it. probably because i struggle just trying to keep up with trevor. i can't imagine being even more tired. i'm not sure i want to subject my breasts to more trauma, even though i love breastfeeding. i can't imagine trying to fly with two, or even taking the subway for that matter. and how will i afford daycare and schools? i don't even have a career to speak of at the moment.
these species of fuschias are called "bursting hearts."
and here's the really hard part: can i love another kid the way i love trevor? would that second kid always feel second? how can my heart stretch that much? and if i love another kid as much, will i just be all loved out and never, ever sleep? am i prepared to worry twice as much? and what if this new kid is even more amazing than trevor? how will trevor react? am i just weird or do other parents think these things?
i know the argument is that it's good for the kid, they have built-in playmates, they learn to share, it's easier when the hubs and i get old and sick. but...
i'm an only child. i don't know much about sibling dynamics. and i never felt cheated by not having siblings, never missed it, never felt jealous of my friends with brothers or sisters.
so i wonder about this all the time. like do parents have favorites and do kids know? my husband, who has an older sister, isn't much help. he and his sister are not particularly close and it's clear to me, and maybe to her too [and that's maybe why they aren't close] that their mom favors him. anyways, i just wonder if i'm really equipped to be more than a parent of an only child. at least i know how that works.
so as trevor approaches his first birthday and i approach my 40th, it weighs heavy on my mind. i'm just not sure.
she cocked her head and looked at my chart. "i mean, you are 39 years old."
like i didn't know.
all this year, as trevor has grown into a gorgeous, happy little boy, everyone from his pediatrician to his hairstylist [yes, he has a hairstylist, that's another story too], to grandparents on both sides, to people i meet in the supermarket ask, "so, are you going to have another one?"
the answer for me, honestly, is not that simple. i struggle with it. probably because i struggle just trying to keep up with trevor. i can't imagine being even more tired. i'm not sure i want to subject my breasts to more trauma, even though i love breastfeeding. i can't imagine trying to fly with two, or even taking the subway for that matter. and how will i afford daycare and schools? i don't even have a career to speak of at the moment.
these species of fuschias are called "bursting hearts."
and here's the really hard part: can i love another kid the way i love trevor? would that second kid always feel second? how can my heart stretch that much? and if i love another kid as much, will i just be all loved out and never, ever sleep? am i prepared to worry twice as much? and what if this new kid is even more amazing than trevor? how will trevor react? am i just weird or do other parents think these things?
i know the argument is that it's good for the kid, they have built-in playmates, they learn to share, it's easier when the hubs and i get old and sick. but...
i'm an only child. i don't know much about sibling dynamics. and i never felt cheated by not having siblings, never missed it, never felt jealous of my friends with brothers or sisters.
so i wonder about this all the time. like do parents have favorites and do kids know? my husband, who has an older sister, isn't much help. he and his sister are not particularly close and it's clear to me, and maybe to her too [and that's maybe why they aren't close] that their mom favors him. anyways, i just wonder if i'm really equipped to be more than a parent of an only child. at least i know how that works.
so as trevor approaches his first birthday and i approach my 40th, it weighs heavy on my mind. i'm just not sure.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
good day.
yesterday when i was in the shower, i couldn't remember the last time i washed my hair.
while sleep deprivation is the reality we all hear about, my issue is my utter lack of grooming. of course, that is a direct result of sleep deprivation. but i find sometimes an entire day goes by and i realize, as i'm giving the baby a bath, that i haven't even looked in the mirror all day.
thankfully, the short haircut pretty much looks the same whether i style it or not, but my skin is a mess, it's all splotchy and weird-looking, i have permanent raccoon eyes, and my hands are so dry they are literally peeling.
so i've decided to re-implement some kind of beauty routine into my day. it's harder now because i don't always get up, shower or dress every day at the same time. but i'm about to be 40 and if i don't start now, i might actually start looking my age. and that would suck.
while sleep deprivation is the reality we all hear about, my issue is my utter lack of grooming. of course, that is a direct result of sleep deprivation. but i find sometimes an entire day goes by and i realize, as i'm giving the baby a bath, that i haven't even looked in the mirror all day.
thankfully, the short haircut pretty much looks the same whether i style it or not, but my skin is a mess, it's all splotchy and weird-looking, i have permanent raccoon eyes, and my hands are so dry they are literally peeling.
so i've decided to re-implement some kind of beauty routine into my day. it's harder now because i don't always get up, shower or dress every day at the same time. but i'm about to be 40 and if i don't start now, i might actually start looking my age. and that would suck.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
to party or not?
so now that i'm unsick, i have lots to think about. i am back in physical therapy for my hip. this time, i am going to a new place--recommended by both my gyno and my orthopedist. they finally seem to have a plan to make me pain-free without surgery, so i'm going to give it a shot while i still have paid insurance. i can already tell it's making a difference. the other pt i had--while i loved her as a person--just seemed to make everything worse. i actually feel good when i leave this place. so wish me luck on that.
but i also need to figure out if i'm going to throw trevor a first birthday party. and if i do, how big should it be? should it just be for kids and their parents or for friends of the family as well? my 40th is also the same month, so do we have a joint party while he doesn't expect his own? do i have it at our house or try to scramble to find a kid-safe place?
hard to know. suggestions appreciated!
but i also need to figure out if i'm going to throw trevor a first birthday party. and if i do, how big should it be? should it just be for kids and their parents or for friends of the family as well? my 40th is also the same month, so do we have a joint party while he doesn't expect his own? do i have it at our house or try to scramble to find a kid-safe place?
hard to know. suggestions appreciated!
Monday, April 13, 2009
daily delish
as some of my facebook friends know, i'm a huge fan of japanese, limited edition kit kat bars. so far, i have sampled the green tea kit kat, the yuzu kit kat, the blueberry and strawberry cheesecake kit kats and the sweet potato sesame. i recently ordered the new tiramisu series from my favorite japanese website and have to say, the tiramisu flavor is absolutely out of this world. it is running neck and neck with my all-time favorite, the super limited green tea.
it has a very subtle, complex flavor. you can taste the coffee, the cinnamon and the chocolate, and the coating is a creamy vanilla. it's a great little snack with a cup of coffee or tea.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
in a funk.
well, i am finally starting to feel better physically. now i need to work on getting better emotionally. i'm sure i'm cranky because a)i've been cooped up in the house for a week, b)the weather has been crappy and c)i'm unemployed and directionless.
i had a two day consultant job in february which has gotten my unemployment benefits all screwed up and now i have to get a statement from this company saying i'm not employed by them full-time.. i also had to fill out all these forms to say i don't have an incorporated business and answer a survey about exactly what my "self employment" is. of course they provided a fax number which is out of service and specifically said "do not call us", so i'm kind of screwed. i'm glad i have my severance because if i was dependent on these checks i'd be really in bad shape. welcome home to new york.
when i first got back last week, i felt pretty positive and optimistic. even after dealing with the whole family having the stomach flu, and a stressful return flight, i got back thinking, 'ok, i may not love living in new york, but i can make the best of it for now and just figure out a plan that is good for trevor.' but then i got sick again, got stuck in the house, the weather went dark and dreary, the husband seemed to get annoyed by the fact i wasn't recovering, the m-i-l behaved as if i was faking my illness, and it just all put me in a funk.
california was such a refreshing change of pace for all of us. yes, my mother irritated the hubs and there's basically no future for a warm and fuzzy relationship between them, and yes, things are easier when there is always an extra hand to watch the baby, but the air was so clear, the sun so warm, the sky--so big. trevor learned to say "bird" becuase he actually saw some.
it was a lot easier to get things done because we could just pop him in the car and drive 5 minutes. and when we got to our location, there were actual parking lots! the stimulation was great for him, and it was great for me to be around some of my oldest friends. they made me feel so loved and so missed.
but the reality for me is: i own a house here in new york. i have great business contacts here and when the economy does turn around, the opportunities are greater here. if i really wanted a job, i would just have to hustle super hard and i'd probably find something--even if it was just freelance. my husband has a job here. he also needs to live near an international airport where he can do his traveling jobs. his family is here. so, for now, i have to make do. i have to stop feeling "trapped" and "stuck" or else i'll never get past this. i just wish i knew where to start.
i had a two day consultant job in february which has gotten my unemployment benefits all screwed up and now i have to get a statement from this company saying i'm not employed by them full-time.. i also had to fill out all these forms to say i don't have an incorporated business and answer a survey about exactly what my "self employment" is. of course they provided a fax number which is out of service and specifically said "do not call us", so i'm kind of screwed. i'm glad i have my severance because if i was dependent on these checks i'd be really in bad shape. welcome home to new york.
when i first got back last week, i felt pretty positive and optimistic. even after dealing with the whole family having the stomach flu, and a stressful return flight, i got back thinking, 'ok, i may not love living in new york, but i can make the best of it for now and just figure out a plan that is good for trevor.' but then i got sick again, got stuck in the house, the weather went dark and dreary, the husband seemed to get annoyed by the fact i wasn't recovering, the m-i-l behaved as if i was faking my illness, and it just all put me in a funk.
california was such a refreshing change of pace for all of us. yes, my mother irritated the hubs and there's basically no future for a warm and fuzzy relationship between them, and yes, things are easier when there is always an extra hand to watch the baby, but the air was so clear, the sun so warm, the sky--so big. trevor learned to say "bird" becuase he actually saw some.
it was a lot easier to get things done because we could just pop him in the car and drive 5 minutes. and when we got to our location, there were actual parking lots! the stimulation was great for him, and it was great for me to be around some of my oldest friends. they made me feel so loved and so missed.
but the reality for me is: i own a house here in new york. i have great business contacts here and when the economy does turn around, the opportunities are greater here. if i really wanted a job, i would just have to hustle super hard and i'd probably find something--even if it was just freelance. my husband has a job here. he also needs to live near an international airport where he can do his traveling jobs. his family is here. so, for now, i have to make do. i have to stop feeling "trapped" and "stuck" or else i'll never get past this. i just wish i knew where to start.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
i am slowly starting to feel better. what a monster this cold is! i guess it's a good sign that i feel like a spigot. guess that means the cold is draining. but what a pain! my eyes consistently water, my nose runs, i have this annoyingly itchy cough and i feel floaty as if i'm living underwater. the sore throat is better, but now it's all itchy and stuff. i just want to be well! i have spring cleaning to do, a job to find and a first birthday to plan! i hate this!
another thing i hate is baby formula.[how's that for a truly bizarre segue?] after a few months back at work [before i got laid off], i had to start supplementing trevor with a bottle of formula here and there. then came the really unpleasant nipple cyst, that made nursing on one side an exercise in pain tolerance. then i went away for a few days to germany for a gig and the bottle, and formula, became his mainstay. [if i nurse, it's only once a day--more just to comfort and bond with him, not to actually feed him.] he is nearly 11 months old now and i'm counting down the days until i can introduce cow's milk. i'm sick of the formula smell, the bottles, all the cleaning and how much room it takes up on the counter, how it makes his poop dark and hard like rabbit pellets. i'm sick of reading about how they keep finding weird chemicals in it.
so, starting this weekend, the month-long countdown to a formula-free house begins. i am currently auditioning sippy cups. so far i like the foogo--though once i put formula in it and it's smelled horrid ever since--and i just got some gerber soft tops, which seem fine, if a bit flimsy. if anyone has a favorite cup for a transitioning baby, let me know. and i promise to write more about the trip when this cold clears up!
another thing i hate is baby formula.[how's that for a truly bizarre segue?] after a few months back at work [before i got laid off], i had to start supplementing trevor with a bottle of formula here and there. then came the really unpleasant nipple cyst, that made nursing on one side an exercise in pain tolerance. then i went away for a few days to germany for a gig and the bottle, and formula, became his mainstay. [if i nurse, it's only once a day--more just to comfort and bond with him, not to actually feed him.] he is nearly 11 months old now and i'm counting down the days until i can introduce cow's milk. i'm sick of the formula smell, the bottles, all the cleaning and how much room it takes up on the counter, how it makes his poop dark and hard like rabbit pellets. i'm sick of reading about how they keep finding weird chemicals in it.
so, starting this weekend, the month-long countdown to a formula-free house begins. i am currently auditioning sippy cups. so far i like the foogo--though once i put formula in it and it's smelled horrid ever since--and i just got some gerber soft tops, which seem fine, if a bit flimsy. if anyone has a favorite cup for a transitioning baby, let me know. and i promise to write more about the trip when this cold clears up!
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