Limbo

So we officially have a toddler on our hands. He is walking more and more and mimics words and is showing a huge personality. We have begun the mealtime tug-o-war--me trying to coax him to eat, he throwing whatever it is on the floor. I was so exasperated by that and the fact that the pediatrician told me he was underweight, that I sent a panicked email to my best friend begging for reassurance that I wasn't bound for family court.
She answered with a loving, lengthy, thought-out email which made me breathe easier. Today we tried some wheat toast with hummus for a snack which actually went ok as long as he was feeding himself, thank you very much. For lunch we'll try some organic "O" pasta with tomato and cheese and if that goes splat, we'll have Grandma's meatballs ready. It's really a challenge trying to figure out what to feed this kid, kind of makes you miss the "old" days of him just being excited to try applesauce.
My current dilemma besides the feeding, is how to approach the prospect of working again. I loathe the idea of pounding the pavement, yet I have to admit as delightful as my son is, I get bored at home. Not bored with him, just bored with the house and the neighborhood and feeling like there's no place to go. I hate that there's no real structure to my day. I feel like I was much more organized when I was working, even though I was far more exhausted and by Wednesday night, I was feeling like I hadn't seen Trevor at all.
I have a potential opportunity as a blogger for a new venture, which sounds really exciting, thought I honestly have NO idea how I'll get anything done working at home with my husband [who also works at home] and trying to keep and eye on the baby. [I started this post over 4 hours ago. I got 2 paragraphs done during naptime, then have been watching the baby this whole time. He's currently walking around throwing things down the stairs and I stop every 5 minutes to make sure he isn't eating stuff off the floor or getting his fingers caught in drawers. I will soon have to start dinner, so who knows when I can get this up. Meanwhile, Trevor's favorite song is on repeat on the Ipod downstairs and it's driving me crazy because I can't get down there to turn it off. Now he's poking his finger in my belly button. Oh, that was 3 hours ago. He's finally in bed--totally too late--and I am trying to finish this post before bed.]
The job opportunity probably won't, at least til maybe the fall, pay enough for me to afford daycare. Plus I would only really need daycare part-time and those slots seem hard to come by. All very puzzling and kind of overwhelming. I wish I was tougher and more focused. I drive myself crazy.

I like.

Apologies for being so delinquent about posting, my goal has been to post a few times a week. I went through a really grouchy phase--the 7 days of dark rainy weather a few weeks back didn't help--and then there were all the events this month--Mother's Day, Trev's first birthday, my birthday, our wedding anniversary and the culmination of it all--our joint birthday party.

The weather has finally started to become agreeable and we're not as stir crazy. Trev is walking and sleeping well, the hubs and I had date night, and my physical therapy is going well. So things are looking up. Even in talks for a job, so that's great, though it's a work from home job and that will prove difficult as it's already hard for the hubs and I to be home together all day every day. So we'll see.

I have a lot I want to talk about, but my carpal tunnel is terrible today, so I will just post some stuff I've discovered that I'm excited about. Both I found at Target.

1. Recycled Aluminum Foil.

This seems like a total no-brainer, not sure why it took so long to get on the market. But I think it's awesome.

2. Huggies Pure & Natural Diapers


I've always like Pampers Cruisers, but they are scented--which annoys me and irritates Trevor--and they have all kinds of prints on them that show through clothes and smell, well, inky. Seventh Generation was great when he was a baby, but now that Trevor is more active, I've had major leak issues. We switched full-time to Huggies Supreme a few months back, and have been happy except for the stiffness and weird inky smell. I saw these the other day and picked them up and they are the best!
No scent, super soft, fit more like Pampers [snug and not too high] and have only a faint print. On Diapers.com a mega pack is $21.99 for 46 diapers, [size 4], while the same size Seventh Gen diapers are $10.99 for 30. So, I guess the Huggies are pretty pricey. Booo. But, I highly recommend them to anyone who likes the Cruisers but would like a more hypo-allergenic, fragrance-free diaper. Huggies sends me lots of coupons, so I'll just use them for these.

I have my body back [sort of].

It has been almost a week since Trevor has attempted to nurse. I dare say he is weaned, and pretty much weaned himself on his own. I was still happy to nurse once a day or so, then it became every other day and then this week, with the regular drinking of cow's milk, he just, well, lost interest in me. He would nurse and then cry like, "this isn't doing it for me anymore!" So, I just stopped trying. When he's upset, I just hold him and talk to him. If he seems like he's overtired and due to feed, I give him a bottle and cradle him, and he's out like a light. It's weird, but not bad. And he seems perfectly happy.
We were at the pediatrician's yesterday for some shots--I started him with shots at 4 months instead of 2 and so we are trying to get him up to speed now--and she asked me if I was having any issues with him being weaned. Was I sad, did I miss it or feel bad?
I have to say, I feel fine. I think it's great that he knew when he was ready and I didn't force anything on him or deny him the comfort he really seemed to enjoy. I like that he's more cuddly all of a sudden. He likes to just flop on his back and lie next to me, give me hugs, kisses, snuggle more. He doesn't have that sad, desperate look like "please mommy, please, I am so upset, I need boobs!" anymore. He likes his bottle, actually asks for it, "Ba ba? Ba ba?" It's cute, even though of course I'd like him to drink out of sippy cups more so than ba ba's, but it's cool. He'll get to that eventually.
I guess I will miss having the ability to breastfeed, as my bff says "in my back pocket", but I see that now I can comfort T in other ways. I like that he looks at me more, wants to be with me and hang out and play and he's not always tugging at my shirt. I like that I can wear normal bras that actually provide some modicum of support and that this really painful nursing blister/cyst is finally healed.
So... this could be premature, but I think that's it. We're done.