Limbo

So we officially have a toddler on our hands. He is walking more and more and mimics words and is showing a huge personality. We have begun the mealtime tug-o-war--me trying to coax him to eat, he throwing whatever it is on the floor. I was so exasperated by that and the fact that the pediatrician told me he was underweight, that I sent a panicked email to my best friend begging for reassurance that I wasn't bound for family court.
She answered with a loving, lengthy, thought-out email which made me breathe easier. Today we tried some wheat toast with hummus for a snack which actually went ok as long as he was feeding himself, thank you very much. For lunch we'll try some organic "O" pasta with tomato and cheese and if that goes splat, we'll have Grandma's meatballs ready. It's really a challenge trying to figure out what to feed this kid, kind of makes you miss the "old" days of him just being excited to try applesauce.
My current dilemma besides the feeding, is how to approach the prospect of working again. I loathe the idea of pounding the pavement, yet I have to admit as delightful as my son is, I get bored at home. Not bored with him, just bored with the house and the neighborhood and feeling like there's no place to go. I hate that there's no real structure to my day. I feel like I was much more organized when I was working, even though I was far more exhausted and by Wednesday night, I was feeling like I hadn't seen Trevor at all.
I have a potential opportunity as a blogger for a new venture, which sounds really exciting, thought I honestly have NO idea how I'll get anything done working at home with my husband [who also works at home] and trying to keep and eye on the baby. [I started this post over 4 hours ago. I got 2 paragraphs done during naptime, then have been watching the baby this whole time. He's currently walking around throwing things down the stairs and I stop every 5 minutes to make sure he isn't eating stuff off the floor or getting his fingers caught in drawers. I will soon have to start dinner, so who knows when I can get this up. Meanwhile, Trevor's favorite song is on repeat on the Ipod downstairs and it's driving me crazy because I can't get down there to turn it off. Now he's poking his finger in my belly button. Oh, that was 3 hours ago. He's finally in bed--totally too late--and I am trying to finish this post before bed.]
The job opportunity probably won't, at least til maybe the fall, pay enough for me to afford daycare. Plus I would only really need daycare part-time and those slots seem hard to come by. All very puzzling and kind of overwhelming. I wish I was tougher and more focused. I drive myself crazy.