so things are chugging along. i still have the ever-present fatigue, that kind of hangs around like cobwebs in my brain, but otherwise, having some days where i have the energy to shower and look and smell halfway presentable. on tuesday this week i got hit with a 24 hour wave of nausea that was pretty awful, but the last two days have been ok. i'm actually hoping to start showing soon, i'd like to be able to discuss my condition when it's more obvious to people, even though a lot of our friends know now. we are about to start week 13, which means the second trimester is on the horizon and that's very, very exciting.
gotta run, the tyke is back from the park.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Week 11
I went dark for awhile because I was just too tired and to sickly to write. This was a big week. On Monday, we had the much anticipated--and feared--CVS. And while I don't plan on having another child after this one, when I left the hospital Monday, I thought to myself: I would never do this again.
But then Tuesday night I got a call that the baby was healthy and it's such a huge relief, that maybe I would. Dunno. It is, as advertised, fairly quick. The longest part of the whole thing is the very detailed, but fascinating ultrasound, where they measure everything and check for vital organs, show you how the blood flow is going, the brain formation, etc. Really cool. The second longest part wasn't as cool, waiting for the doctor to whisk in and perform the procedure. You have to have a full bladder, and so lying there without the ultrasound to entertain you can be really uncomfortable. Especially as my husband, who is an exceptional co-pilot, had to run out and feed the meter during our wait. So I laid there, flat on my back, and tried to think of everything except that fact that I desperately had to pee.
When the team shows up, it's the ultrasound tech, her supervisor, the superstar doc and her medical intern. The doctor looked like she was about to go clubbing, she was the size and shape of Rachel Zoe, with a tight, kind of punky black shirt [the back of the arms were cut out], skinny jeans, and some kind of shoe that sounded like clogs when she walked. [I couldn't see the shoes.] She had long, layered hair and heavy black eye make-up. It was a bit unnerving until she looked at our baby in the ultrasound and smiled and said, "Cute!" I want to mention now that everyone who looked at the ultrasound said "Cute", all independent of each other. I can't, for the life of me, see how one ultrasound is cuter than another, half the time I don't even know what we're looking at. But these people must. Or maybe it's their stock ice breaker.
So then, after deciding they are going to go in through the abdomen, they swab me down with rubbing alcohol, then betadine solution. Then, she gave me a shot of local anasthesia, which hurt pretty bad and stung for a few seconds, but I never felt the second, really long needle go in. Well, not until it got down to the placenta. It's weird, because you can watch everything on the monitor, and while it's reassuring to see that the needle is quite far away from the baby, but that the baby seems relatively unfazed. But at the same time, it is very close and I kept having this feeling that I was disturbing the baby's natural environment. And then the doc is like, ok, you're going to feel a sharp cramp, and I did, and that's what was the most uncomfortable. After the needle gets where it needs to be, she "aspirates' the tissue, which is the longest 20 seconds I've gone through. Basically, the needle is stirred all around and that just feels icky and invasive and filled me with more regret.
But then it was all over. Everyone wished us well and left. And, like I mentioned earlier, they called us just a little over 24 hours later to tell us everything was fine.
I was starving afterwards, but very crampy, which they said would happen. Jeff treated me to a burger at Shake Shack and then we drove home and I laid down. I felt tired, but it was hard to sleep because of the cramping and the soreness. In addition to the cramps, I also felt like I had done about 1000 sit ups. Four days later, I'm still feeling a little sore, even though the cramps subsided the following day.
I've been extra conservative this week as far as lifting, straining, etc. And things seem good. No spotting, bleeding or anything scary. Just tired, which is nothing new so far this trimester. Today I feel the most normal as far as "normal" is these days. Still have serious heartburn and reflux, nausea and fatigue. But, I'm hoping that in a few weeks some of this will ease and I can get out and about more. Feel like I've spent most of this summer in bed.
But then Tuesday night I got a call that the baby was healthy and it's such a huge relief, that maybe I would. Dunno. It is, as advertised, fairly quick. The longest part of the whole thing is the very detailed, but fascinating ultrasound, where they measure everything and check for vital organs, show you how the blood flow is going, the brain formation, etc. Really cool. The second longest part wasn't as cool, waiting for the doctor to whisk in and perform the procedure. You have to have a full bladder, and so lying there without the ultrasound to entertain you can be really uncomfortable. Especially as my husband, who is an exceptional co-pilot, had to run out and feed the meter during our wait. So I laid there, flat on my back, and tried to think of everything except that fact that I desperately had to pee.
When the team shows up, it's the ultrasound tech, her supervisor, the superstar doc and her medical intern. The doctor looked like she was about to go clubbing, she was the size and shape of Rachel Zoe, with a tight, kind of punky black shirt [the back of the arms were cut out], skinny jeans, and some kind of shoe that sounded like clogs when she walked. [I couldn't see the shoes.] She had long, layered hair and heavy black eye make-up. It was a bit unnerving until she looked at our baby in the ultrasound and smiled and said, "Cute!" I want to mention now that everyone who looked at the ultrasound said "Cute", all independent of each other. I can't, for the life of me, see how one ultrasound is cuter than another, half the time I don't even know what we're looking at. But these people must. Or maybe it's their stock ice breaker.
So then, after deciding they are going to go in through the abdomen, they swab me down with rubbing alcohol, then betadine solution. Then, she gave me a shot of local anasthesia, which hurt pretty bad and stung for a few seconds, but I never felt the second, really long needle go in. Well, not until it got down to the placenta. It's weird, because you can watch everything on the monitor, and while it's reassuring to see that the needle is quite far away from the baby, but that the baby seems relatively unfazed. But at the same time, it is very close and I kept having this feeling that I was disturbing the baby's natural environment. And then the doc is like, ok, you're going to feel a sharp cramp, and I did, and that's what was the most uncomfortable. After the needle gets where it needs to be, she "aspirates' the tissue, which is the longest 20 seconds I've gone through. Basically, the needle is stirred all around and that just feels icky and invasive and filled me with more regret.
But then it was all over. Everyone wished us well and left. And, like I mentioned earlier, they called us just a little over 24 hours later to tell us everything was fine.
I was starving afterwards, but very crampy, which they said would happen. Jeff treated me to a burger at Shake Shack and then we drove home and I laid down. I felt tired, but it was hard to sleep because of the cramping and the soreness. In addition to the cramps, I also felt like I had done about 1000 sit ups. Four days later, I'm still feeling a little sore, even though the cramps subsided the following day.
I've been extra conservative this week as far as lifting, straining, etc. And things seem good. No spotting, bleeding or anything scary. Just tired, which is nothing new so far this trimester. Today I feel the most normal as far as "normal" is these days. Still have serious heartburn and reflux, nausea and fatigue. But, I'm hoping that in a few weeks some of this will ease and I can get out and about more. Feel like I've spent most of this summer in bed.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
The Lonely Trimester
I don't know how it is for all women, but for me, pregnancy with the exception of the first trimester, is cool. My chronic back problems actually don't bother me, the hormones soothe my propensity for anxiety, and the best part, well, I get a kid at the end of it all.(I also get to put off that diet I was just about to start, but that's another post.)
I'm currently 8.5 weeks pregnant with my second child, and god-willing, all will go smoothly. I look forward to discussing names, decorating the room, prepping my son for big brotherdom, but for now, I'm just miserable.
People tell you abut morning sickness and how it magically goes away at 12 weeks, but no one really talks in detail about the miseries of the first trimester. Most likely, because it sucks so bad and they are probably either too tired or too sick to talk about it. I find it the loneliest, most frustrating time in the nine (10, really), months of incubation. Mostly, because you're not showing, yet you feel terrible. You can't tell anyone WHY you feel terrible, because it's before the "out of the woods" timeline where god forbid something could go wrong.
So you're stuck not only trying to keep this momentous secret--hard enough in itself, especially for someone like me who thrives on breaking news--but also trying to act perfectly normal when you feel, literally, like your body is under siege. You also have to try and not get worked up over all the statistics [women 40 years+ have a higher incidence of miscarriage, down syndrome babies, etc.]
This time around I'm not working, save for some freelance stuff (which I actually should be doing instead of this), so I don't have to present myself and my facade to anyone everyday. I have an excuse to hibernate and rest and avoid making plans. Hopefully by the time my friends and family catch on that I've been MIA, it will be time to tell them the big news and everyone will forget about the unreturned emails.
So yeah, I have the luxury of resting when I want, eating when I want, staying in PJs all day if I want to--though it's no small task to also try and keep up with my two-year-old as well. But at least I'm off the hook from any commitments that require experiencing the smells of the subway--my smell powers are so bionic that i can literally smell a hazelnut dunkin'donuts coffee on the opposite end of the train car--feeling nauseous from the motion of the train, and getting clostrophobic in a crowded situation.
And this time, I have good days, ok days and terrible days, where I feel like last time, I felt generally queasy in the morning and then got better as the day progressed, only to get slightly queasy at bedtime. This time I can go a day or so without feeling sick or faint, or too hot or too cold, and I can eat fairly normally. But then I get humdinger days where I am sick ALL day, no matter what I eat or don't eat and cannot stay awake for the life of me. Yesterday was one of those days, and I felt even worse, because I was trying to watch my son and I just couldn't. Thankfully he's a very good child and just sat next to me in bed and read books while I slept, but poor thing. Mommy is so boring.
This time also, my queasiness comes at night, and with such force that I get chills as if I'm getting hit with a flu. The only thing I can do is wrap myself up in a blanket with 7up and wait it out. It helps to read or watch TV for distraction--but not a Tv show with car chases or helicopter shots or crazy editing. Also can't watch anything gory. My husband had this great idea a few weeks ago to watch some bio on a mob hitman, where the guy bragged about all these horrible crimes he committed. not only did i feel sickened, I also had crazy nightmares.
Did I mention the crazy pregnancy dreams? Yo, they are so vivid and so real and so WEIRD. Like last night I had this dream that I lived on a farm in some crazy modern house that should have been in Architectural Digest, and I looked all bull-dyked out and seemed to live with a blonde girlfriend who was dressed in a corporate suit. I dream about food a lot, especially in the first weeks. Most likely because I was starving but too sick to eat.
Today I used what energy I have to wax the sudden, dark, hair growth that has appeared on my face since the pregnancy started. I tried some new euro stuff and the first strip worked while the rest did not. This tired me out where I had to lie down. I have to lie down after I eat, after I walk any amount of distance, sometimes I get up from lying down only to lie down again. Tomato sauce smells hideous and makes me want to throw up. I feel like I'm choking if someone is smoking a cigarette 20 feet away. My boobs hurt so much it's like a little imaginary elf is squeezing them. I'm so bloated already that most of my clothes feel uncomfortable.
So bitch, moan, gripe. I say this all to you, blogosphere. Since I can't tell anyone else.
I'm currently 8.5 weeks pregnant with my second child, and god-willing, all will go smoothly. I look forward to discussing names, decorating the room, prepping my son for big brotherdom, but for now, I'm just miserable.
People tell you abut morning sickness and how it magically goes away at 12 weeks, but no one really talks in detail about the miseries of the first trimester. Most likely, because it sucks so bad and they are probably either too tired or too sick to talk about it. I find it the loneliest, most frustrating time in the nine (10, really), months of incubation. Mostly, because you're not showing, yet you feel terrible. You can't tell anyone WHY you feel terrible, because it's before the "out of the woods" timeline where god forbid something could go wrong.
So you're stuck not only trying to keep this momentous secret--hard enough in itself, especially for someone like me who thrives on breaking news--but also trying to act perfectly normal when you feel, literally, like your body is under siege. You also have to try and not get worked up over all the statistics [women 40 years+ have a higher incidence of miscarriage, down syndrome babies, etc.]
This time around I'm not working, save for some freelance stuff (which I actually should be doing instead of this), so I don't have to present myself and my facade to anyone everyday. I have an excuse to hibernate and rest and avoid making plans. Hopefully by the time my friends and family catch on that I've been MIA, it will be time to tell them the big news and everyone will forget about the unreturned emails.
So yeah, I have the luxury of resting when I want, eating when I want, staying in PJs all day if I want to--though it's no small task to also try and keep up with my two-year-old as well. But at least I'm off the hook from any commitments that require experiencing the smells of the subway--my smell powers are so bionic that i can literally smell a hazelnut dunkin'donuts coffee on the opposite end of the train car--feeling nauseous from the motion of the train, and getting clostrophobic in a crowded situation.
And this time, I have good days, ok days and terrible days, where I feel like last time, I felt generally queasy in the morning and then got better as the day progressed, only to get slightly queasy at bedtime. This time I can go a day or so without feeling sick or faint, or too hot or too cold, and I can eat fairly normally. But then I get humdinger days where I am sick ALL day, no matter what I eat or don't eat and cannot stay awake for the life of me. Yesterday was one of those days, and I felt even worse, because I was trying to watch my son and I just couldn't. Thankfully he's a very good child and just sat next to me in bed and read books while I slept, but poor thing. Mommy is so boring.
This time also, my queasiness comes at night, and with such force that I get chills as if I'm getting hit with a flu. The only thing I can do is wrap myself up in a blanket with 7up and wait it out. It helps to read or watch TV for distraction--but not a Tv show with car chases or helicopter shots or crazy editing. Also can't watch anything gory. My husband had this great idea a few weeks ago to watch some bio on a mob hitman, where the guy bragged about all these horrible crimes he committed. not only did i feel sickened, I also had crazy nightmares.
Did I mention the crazy pregnancy dreams? Yo, they are so vivid and so real and so WEIRD. Like last night I had this dream that I lived on a farm in some crazy modern house that should have been in Architectural Digest, and I looked all bull-dyked out and seemed to live with a blonde girlfriend who was dressed in a corporate suit. I dream about food a lot, especially in the first weeks. Most likely because I was starving but too sick to eat.
Today I used what energy I have to wax the sudden, dark, hair growth that has appeared on my face since the pregnancy started. I tried some new euro stuff and the first strip worked while the rest did not. This tired me out where I had to lie down. I have to lie down after I eat, after I walk any amount of distance, sometimes I get up from lying down only to lie down again. Tomato sauce smells hideous and makes me want to throw up. I feel like I'm choking if someone is smoking a cigarette 20 feet away. My boobs hurt so much it's like a little imaginary elf is squeezing them. I'm so bloated already that most of my clothes feel uncomfortable.
So bitch, moan, gripe. I say this all to you, blogosphere. Since I can't tell anyone else.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
first time's a charm
I am pregnant, according to a home test I took last night and this morning. I am stunned, shocked, cautiously optimistic and basically in kind of a fog. Each day it seems I feel a new emotion.
The whole story of how I became in the "family way" is really quite ironic. The hubs and I, began having "date night" the weekend of June 19. I decided that every Sunday night, we should watch a movie and go to bed early and focus on kickstarting our love life that had been getting nearly non-existent since our son was born 2 years ago. I figured Sunday night is good because it starts the week off, well, with a bang. :)
Anyhoo, when you've been always struggled with infertility and you're out of practice, uh, you tend to forget things. Like, birth control. So we have date night and the following week our son was sick and the following week I was so tired and lightheaded I went to bed early. I started feeling more and more lightheaded, my appetite disappeared completely, and the things I like best--like my mom's chocolate chip cookies--I had no desire to eat. The familiar mild nausea set in. And a few days of this, combined with the fact that my period hadn't shown up made me realize that the ONE time that we got intimate, actually could have knocked me up.According to the calendar I'm 5 weeks along.
To be honest, my first reaction wasn't elation or excitement. i was actually like, "i don't want this! I have no job, my husband barely has a job! my 2 year old wears me out! How can I be sleep deprived again?" I remembered the hassle of breastfeeding, cringed at how small the house is, worried how I could possibly handle it all.
Then, I started to accept it, feel fortunate, think abut redecorating, about how great a big brother my son will be, and if our son is any indication, that our second child will be beautiful and smart and sweet and anther truly lovable being. I've started pulling out my pregnancy books. I made my first dr's visit.
And just as I've started to feel happy, I also feel scared. Every little thing is making me nervous--like the fact that I haven't been nauseous at all today and that I have a slight backache and some cramps. I've nearly convinced myself that I'm going to miscarry. That because I'm older there could be problems. I'm irritable and ridiculously sensitive and want to cry if someone looks at me wrong. I just want to get thru to the dr's appt on july 20, make sure everything is ok and get thru the scary part f the first semester without a hitch and then i will shout from the rooftops. But for now, i hope and pray and walk on eggshells.
The whole story of how I became in the "family way" is really quite ironic. The hubs and I, began having "date night" the weekend of June 19. I decided that every Sunday night, we should watch a movie and go to bed early and focus on kickstarting our love life that had been getting nearly non-existent since our son was born 2 years ago. I figured Sunday night is good because it starts the week off, well, with a bang. :)
Anyhoo, when you've been always struggled with infertility and you're out of practice, uh, you tend to forget things. Like, birth control. So we have date night and the following week our son was sick and the following week I was so tired and lightheaded I went to bed early. I started feeling more and more lightheaded, my appetite disappeared completely, and the things I like best--like my mom's chocolate chip cookies--I had no desire to eat. The familiar mild nausea set in. And a few days of this, combined with the fact that my period hadn't shown up made me realize that the ONE time that we got intimate, actually could have knocked me up.According to the calendar I'm 5 weeks along.
To be honest, my first reaction wasn't elation or excitement. i was actually like, "i don't want this! I have no job, my husband barely has a job! my 2 year old wears me out! How can I be sleep deprived again?" I remembered the hassle of breastfeeding, cringed at how small the house is, worried how I could possibly handle it all.
Then, I started to accept it, feel fortunate, think abut redecorating, about how great a big brother my son will be, and if our son is any indication, that our second child will be beautiful and smart and sweet and anther truly lovable being. I've started pulling out my pregnancy books. I made my first dr's visit.
And just as I've started to feel happy, I also feel scared. Every little thing is making me nervous--like the fact that I haven't been nauseous at all today and that I have a slight backache and some cramps. I've nearly convinced myself that I'm going to miscarry. That because I'm older there could be problems. I'm irritable and ridiculously sensitive and want to cry if someone looks at me wrong. I just want to get thru to the dr's appt on july 20, make sure everything is ok and get thru the scary part f the first semester without a hitch and then i will shout from the rooftops. But for now, i hope and pray and walk on eggshells.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Los Kit Kats Mysteriosos [updated]
I've been into Japanese food ever since I worked as a teacher's assistant for a Japanese exchange student program in high school. From sashimi and ramen to the omelettes with rice and ketchup, to this awesome candy bar called "Crunky", color me there. In recent years, like many other fetishists, I've developed a real penchant for the limited edition Japanese Kit Kats that come in exotic flavors. I've so far sampled:
Original Match Green Tea--THE BEST!
Green Tea Tiramisu--really delish, almost as good as the original Green Tea
Tiramisu--excellent, even had that hint of liqueur, nicely done
Custard--eh. Beard Papa-light. Would rather just have Beard Papa
Raspberry Passionfruit- rich & indulgent, and may I say, sexy!
Ginger Ale--yummy & effervescent
Royal Milk Tea--like earl grey w/milk and waaay too much sugar
Sparkling Strawberry--a bit pop-rockish for me
Blueberry Cheesecake--really good: rich and creamy
Strawberry Cheesecake--not as good as the blueberry, strawberry was too fake-tasting
Sweet Potato Sesame--not as bad as you would think, probably b/c it didn't taste like anything in particular.
Cappuccino--good, if not predictable
Cookie Plus--more of a cookie than candy, nice with tea
Yuzu [perhaps the ickiest one ever]
See a cool gallery of flavors here.
So far, my all-time, hands down favorite is the original Matcha Green Tea.
It is basically like green tea ice cream in a Kit Kat--creamy, dense, smoky and delicious. It's seasonal and limited and only available in Kyoto, Japan. I am hoping to order the newest spin on it, the Sakura Green Tea, which I'll review here soon.
I haven't tried the really far out flavors like the Soy Sauce, Potato, Wasabi, or Corn. And I still have a box of Apple/Carrot in my candy drawer that I haven't tried yet. I think I just like my candy to taste like candy, plus I've been reluctant to order those flavors and pay the shipping, when most likely, I will take a bite, make a scrunched up face and spit it out.
Anyhoo, just yesterday my candy connect presented me with a bag of mini Kit Kats in a blue and white package. [photo at top] The bag is entirely in Japanese, with no hint of what the flavor could possibly be. I have searched in vain online for photos of what I think it might be--it's a light, creamy, white chocolate with a scent and touch of refreshing lemon--to no avail. My guess is it's Lemon Cheesecake or Lemon Sorbet. I like it. So before I get the answer from my supplier, any guesses?
UPDATE, APRIL 8
I have been informed by my trusty supplier that the Kit Kats in question are...drumroll...
Calpico. Calpico is a popular Japanese, non-carbonated soft drink that's described as having a touch of both yogurt flavor and citrus. This also explains the blue polka dots on the Kit Kat wrapper--they are identical to those on the Calpico packaging. I've only had the Aloe flavored Calpico, a really long time ago, but now I want to try the original flavor to see how well Nestle got the flavor. Will keep you posted.
Friday, March 26, 2010
REVAMP
Hey Internets:
Per usual, a productive phone conversation with my BFF @tikitonya last night made me realize I really should be more active in the blogosphere. I am trying to find balance and order in my life, harness creativity, figure out how to be a mom, a career woman and someone my husband wants to have sex with [not necessarily in that order] and what better way to figure it out than to write about it? So, I've concluded the first step in in my self-discovery is having the self-discipline to spend less time trying to be clever on Facebook and just write.
Hope you enjoy the ride.
Dunny
Per usual, a productive phone conversation with my BFF @tikitonya last night made me realize I really should be more active in the blogosphere. I am trying to find balance and order in my life, harness creativity, figure out how to be a mom, a career woman and someone my husband wants to have sex with [not necessarily in that order] and what better way to figure it out than to write about it? So, I've concluded the first step in in my self-discovery is having the self-discipline to spend less time trying to be clever on Facebook and just write.
Hope you enjoy the ride.
Dunny
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